It’s Holy Week. A reminder of Jesus’ death and resurrection. He suffered and died on a cross so that we might have eternal life with Him. And because He loves us, He continues to be ever present in our lives. To love, shelter, guide, care for, shepherd, comfort us. Even though we’re stubborn. Even though we’re unappreciative. Even though we’re sinners. We are so blessed to have His unconditional love and grace…
 
Being reminded of the Ultimate Salvation…I'd like to segway into something that perhaps we all take for granted (in addition to the Perfect Gift mentioned beforehand). Did you know that Jesus protects and saves us every day, too? Can you think of a time when Jesus has saved you or the life of someone you know? Perhaps a miracle healing? Perhaps a near miss crossing a busy intersection? Perhaps being in the right place at the right time to avoid a child being hurt on the playground?
 
Jesus has saved me more times than I can count so I'd like to offer a testimony of one such example.
Incident Date: 30 March 2013.
 
That day, I woke later than planned. With one semi-conscious bat of my arm, I launched my blaring alarm clock across the room. It was 6am and nothing was going to pull me out of bed. In doing so, however, I failed to take my anti-convulsant medication (for Epilepsy). And as I went about my day, I failed to realize that fact.
 
After a shower, my plan was to slip on my favorite cute clothes and drive to Starbucks for something yummy, then return home to chillax. Not far from my home, a gentle voice spoke. He told me to turn around and go home because it wasn’t safe. Like a stubborn child, I tuned out the warning. I wish I had listened...now I believe in my heart for certain that was Jesus.
 
When I opened the door at Starbucks, something felt…off. Ever feel like that? I went through an inventory of things in my mind and then it hit me… I forgot to take my medicine. Just two simple pills. As I do not have frequent grand mal seizures (also classified as generalized tonic-clonic seizures), I thought that I could buy a bottle of water and some mixed nuts, then take my medicine and sit in my car until it took effect. I didn’t think to call a cab just in case. Actually, I’m not sure what I was thinking because I feel like I got one of those Men in Black alien brain wipes. The time between the parking lot and waking up in my car at an angle in a ditch is really hazy.
 
All I can gather is that my brain lit up like a Christmas tree, operated on auto pilot for I don’t know how long and erased my short-term memory—seizures do that, after all. Remembering the scene is like looking through a strange film reel. There was a flurry of activity…so many emergency vehicles. firemen, EMTs, police officers. I was pinned in place so all I could really do was look around. It was a nightmare. Everything around me was torn to pieces—except for the bottle of water in the cup holder, cap off and half full. The passenger side was a disaster having been blown to pieces and crushed. As an example, the passenger’s side FLOOR was gone. While observing all this, a police officer told me what happened since I was in obvious shock. I was on a four-lane highway. My speed was clocked at more than 55 mph. Eventually I crashed into a barrier wall and flipped around. No one knew if I'd had the seizure before or after impact. While I might’ve caused a little traffic delay, though, I didn’t hurt anyone. Also, I walked out of the hospital with a clean bill of health four hours later. Physically, a few lacerations and some dark bruising (let's just say I had one strong seat belt). Emotionally, I had trouble with the traumatic flashbacks. Still have a little PTSD, but have mostly healed. Miracle, miracle, miracle.
 
My Honda was totaled and taken away that day. I had to see it before it was dismantled for reusable parts distribution—and worse. So my dad took me to the impound lot.  I took a lot of time. Circled the car. Looked in the car. Sat in the car. Took pictures… It was overwhelming. When I looked back through the pictures I’d taken, I was reminded that Jesus was in control that day. There was one picture in particular that sealed that belief for me. The sun was shining just enough to cast reflections on my car. There was a reflection of a cross above the driver’s side front headlight. A true sign of God’s love.
 
So tomorrow is a celebration of life and health. Eight years ago, Jesus saved me (and others) on that highway. Also, I had what I hope to be my last grand mal seizure...God willing.
 
Every day is a blessing. Even the bad ones.

This afternoon, just after 1pm, I went on my annual "remembrance drive" to the neighborhood Starbucks. It's tradition.

For the first few years after the 30 March 2013 event, I've purposely driven to the original Starbucks as a way of remembrance and coping...PTSD is no joke.

Today, the sun is shining so very bright, the weather is as it was back in 2013 AND I feel fabulous.

After a few tears (flashbacks...), I put on a sassy outfit (those who know me well are very aware that ensemble includes a pair of knee-high black leather boots), loaded some great tunes and hopped into one of the family cars (which I have nicknamed "My Honda" even though it isn't a Honda...but it might as well be because it's awesome). I rolled down the windows like one of the local kids and blasted my music, not caring about the dirty looks from some neighborhood cranks. I didn't go to the original Starbucks. I went to the drive thru near home, ordered a drink (one that I ordered every day in the mid 2000's), then enjoyed a breezy drive through the neighborhood and past one of my old schools. I almost stopped at the bookhaus, but figured I should have a book to contribute...the take one (book), leave one (book) principle. :-)

When I pulled in the driveway, I just sat there. Happy. Wanting to cry. Happy tears, of course. I did it. No anxiety. No incidents. Just success, cheerful sights, pretty weather and a drink the cost of a small club martini. :-) Even updated my selfies. :-)

Thank you, Jesus, for keeping me safe, granting me a perfect day and, well, for waking me up to enjoy it all.

There’s a reason why Chronic Lyme Disease is called Chronic Lyme Disease. Approximately 20% of Chronic Lyme Disease patients slip out of remission. :-(
 
Last year, despite showing so much promise and improvement, some of the old pre-Lyme issues returned (original diagnosis = 2015). In 2020, the world became more of a chaotic mess with COVID-19, political insanity as well as injustices, inequalities and tragedies across the board. So, stress and the fun that comes with it is normal…right? Right.

But the issues continued. And they got worse…like 0-to-60-down-a-deep-vortex type of worse. Hiding my issues worked. Until it didn’t. I had to get real and face facts. Lyme had returned. I knew it.

I.
Just.
Knew.
 
My response: &(*&)(*&^%^$#@%&**(&*%$#!@%%%&^*!!!!! (That's a summary)
 
What was the largest diagnostic tell? Enlarged liver and spleen, of which I have both. And now every little rumble from my left or right side sends my anxiety through the roof.  Out of remission. Officially. Yep, Chronic Lyme Disease has returned like a terrible movie sequel, bringing with it unwanted "houseguest" Babesiosis (Babesia). Babesia is a commonly occurring (and re-occurring) Lyme co-infection.

Prescribed treatment? Aggressive. It will last as long as it takes. Treatment starts TOMORROW. And, God willing, may the odds be ever in my favor!!
 
So here I sit. 10:30-ish on a Saturday evening. A time when I’d ordinarily be competitively gaming, chatting it up with friends or chilling with a fun show. Instead I find myself typing this news to you from my corner office (the corner of my bedroom, that is).

I’m walking a very fine line between Faith and Fear. In my heart, I know and feel that God is on my side. He will take care of me and provide me with what I need. Here's where the line gets trippy... I remember the agony of all this before. Imagine sitting through a long 3-D movie preview of hell. An interactive preview. Gremlins poke and prod you until you cry, scream or throw up. Your heart and brain are tortured over and over again. Then there’s that clever dark angel who courts you, keeping you awake at all hours. That's just in the first few weeks.
 
I don’t want to re-live this again. Not when I’m just getting my life back together. But I have to. I have to because I choose life over death. And with all the strength and comfort God provides, I will survive. Even though I will struggle.
 
Would you believe that I feel guilty talking about my feelings here? There are so many other people suffering in this world. People who may have it worse and/or may not have the blessings that I have. Loving family and friends. Housing. Plenty of food. Access to medical care. Not a lot of money, but just enough to survive. And so much more. It would probably help if I remembered these things more often. One cannot thrive in darkness. One must live in the light.
 
Just a little scared right now...
 
Faithful readers, thank you for hanging in there and supporting me all these years. Love and hugs!!
 
Jen

Have you ever wanted to do something but couldn't get it quite right and then finally it happens and it's better than you ever thought it would be? That's how I feel about my latest artistic creation (found in this post and the My Art/Pen & Pencil Drawings section). There are variations of the lion floating about in cyberspace--numerous, in fact--and all using a variety of approaches...pen, pencil, metal, wood, watercolor, acrylics, etc.

I wanted to give up because I kept failing, but this time... This time I think it works. :-) For as long as I can remember (and that would be childhood), I've associated Jesus with the Lion, so...this piece is of particular value to me. What does this mean to you?

That said, I'm dedicating this picture to everyone in need of Comfort, answers, Joy, rest, Peace, Love, kindness. Jesus loves us all unconditionally. He sees, feels and hears our every feeling, thought, dream, pain, happy times, tragedy. We are never ever alone. He is always there, always Loving each and every one of us.

Enjoy! :-)