There’s a reason why Chronic Lyme Disease is called Chronic Lyme Disease. Approximately 20% of Chronic Lyme Disease patients slip out of remission. :-(
Last year, despite showing so much promise and improvement, some of the old pre-Lyme issues returned (original diagnosis = 2015). In 2020, the world became more of a chaotic mess with COVID-19, political insanity as well as injustices, inequalities and tragedies across the board. So, stress and the fun that comes with it is normal…right? Right.
But the issues continued. And they got worse…like 0-to-60-down-a-deep-vortex type of worse. Hiding my issues worked. Until it didn’t. I had to get real and face facts. Lyme had returned. I knew it.
My response: &(*&)(*&^%^$#@%&**(&*%$#!@%%%&^*!!!!! (That's a summary)
What was the largest diagnostic tell? Enlarged liver and spleen, of which I have both. And now every little rumble from my left or right side sends my anxiety through the roof. Out of remission. Officially. Yep, Chronic Lyme Disease has returned like a terrible movie sequel, bringing with it unwanted "houseguest" Babesiosis (Babesia). Babesia is a commonly occurring (and re-occurring) Lyme co-infection.
Prescribed treatment? Aggressive. It will last as long as it takes. Treatment starts TOMORROW. And, God willing, may the odds be ever in my favor!!
So here I sit. 10:30-ish on a Saturday evening. A time when I’d ordinarily be competitively gaming, chatting it up with friends or chilling with a fun show. Instead I find myself typing this news to you from my corner office (the corner of my bedroom, that is).
I’m walking a very fine line between Faith and Fear. In my heart, I know and feel that God is on my side. He will take care of me and provide me with what I need. Here's where the line gets trippy... I remember the agony of all this before. Imagine sitting through a long 3-D movie preview of hell. An interactive preview. Gremlins poke and prod you until you cry, scream or throw up. Your heart and brain are tortured over and over again. Then there’s that clever dark angel who courts you, keeping you awake at all hours. That's just in the first few weeks.
I don’t want to re-live this again. Not when I’m just getting my life back together. But I have to. I have to because I choose life over death. And with all the strength and comfort God provides, I will survive. Even though I will struggle.
Would you believe that I feel guilty talking about my feelings here? There are so many other people suffering in this world. People who may have it worse and/or may not have the blessings that I have. Loving family and friends. Housing. Plenty of food. Access to medical care. Not a lot of money, but just enough to survive. And so much more. It would probably help if I remembered these things more often. One cannot thrive in darkness. One must live in the light.
Just a little scared right now...
Faithful readers, thank you for hanging in there and supporting me all these years. Love and hugs!!