Please welcome Miranda Loucks, www.EverythingUnscripted.net’s very first guest blogger. She is a spirited young woman with a heart for Jesus, family and everything life has to offer. I am both honored and thrilled that she accepted my request submit this…it is an endearing personal story that will pull at the heartstrings. Someone I know and love once told me: “there is a story to be told within every life we encounter.” Miranda is one such soul.
Grief is something so many of us have in common, but how often do we openly share our experience in walking with our grief…and our faith? If you’ve watched Disney’s Encanto on repeat like me, think of it like: “we don’t talk about grief no, no, no.” Often times, especially for Christians, we feel that because our deceased loved ones knew Christ and are in Heaven that we need not grieve. Many of us are taught to suppress, not express.
I felt called to share my family’s story in hopes that one day we could use our experience as our testimony.
I prayed on our bathroom floor many nights for God to “use this, use me, send me to someone who will need encouragement and support going through this, use this for your good and for your glory…” I broke the silence. I shared our story. I continued to pray to God that “even if I can only help one woman know she’s not alone, please send her to me or me to her.” I prayed those prayers as my own heart broke time and time again. I remember thinking “He can still use this. He’s going to redeem even this.”
My husband Joe and I endured four miscarriages, each one more devastating than the last.
I was so hurt.
I was so broken.
And I felt so abandoned.
Our last miscarriage was incredibly painful and I was hospitalized as a result. I woke up the next morning, heartbroken, thinking “this is the last time.” I was bound and determined that I wasn’t going to take “just go home and try again” or “this happens with so many pregnancies” anymore. I asked the doctor if we’d finally met that “magical number” she had told us we’d need to hit before we were sent to a specialist.
Shortly after, we met with our fertility specialist who confirmed what I felt was indeed not “normal.” To have four consecutive losses was less than 9% worldwide in my age category. I was quickly given the option to do IVF. Even being, we had a less than 20% chance with our history of me being able to carry a pregnancy to full term. “Faith as big as a mustard seed” I kept feeling being whispered in my soul. All I needed was a chance…one chance…if God was able.
And able He was!
Even with numerous complications with my egg retrieval requiring two surgeries and a temporary drain placed in my abdomen to drain the fluid accumulation in my pelvis and lungs. Even with a bleed early on in my pregnancy that put me on bed rest. Even with preterm delivery and postpartum hemorrhage and emergency surgery... He was there. He was able. And He redeemed the hardest storm of my life. Joe and I were gifted our miracle son. Colton.
Throughout our journey women from states away gifted us items for Colton…women I barely knew who prayed for and supported us! Through the sharing of our story, God sent me innumerable women wanting to share their story, their loss, their babies and their legacies and their infertility/IVF/IUI/surrogacy stories. They wanted to share all of this WITH ME! It’s opened me up to a network of women who felt ashamed to tell their stories; women who said by me sharing our journey that it had helped them to not feel alone. Do you remember those prayers I prayed in my brokenness on the bathroom floor? Every single prayer I had prayed was answered. Maybe it wasn’t the timing I had hoped for, nor the way I ever envisioned becoming a family and what it would take to get there. Regardless, GOD WAS ABLE.
Maybe it’s not loss or infertility that you’re spiritually wrestling with, but each of us has our own storm. I challenge you to share your story and pray for God to use it because it will be worth it. My storm said infertility, but my God said I’m meant to be a mother. My GOD, my Creator, the One who has gone before me, the One who has a plan for my life today, tomorrow and the future. Life, even as a Christian, isn’t perfect. It isn’t easy. However, the good news is you don’t have to carry the weight of that alone because that’s where God steps in. His reassurance is clear in Matthew 11: 28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon You and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Also, in 1 Corinthians 13, He states: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
Hold true to Him. And may you find comfort in knowing that while you’re riding out a storm in your life there is hope. He loves you and will take care of you now and for all eternity.